Chasing Dreams

 

Photo by Randalyn Hill on Unsplash.

I was in a work-related conversation with someone this summer and he asked me how I was doing. Instead of giving the "I'm fine" fallback line, I was horrified and embarrassed to find myself speechless, and then spilling that I wasn't okay as my father had recently passed and COVID-19 prevented me from attending the funeral. I was quite proud of how I'd kept it together at work and at home and continued to hustle during a hectic work year, but now it felt like a seam had been ripped. He was gracious in his response and I learned that it really is okay to not be okay. 

I remember one night falling asleep to the sound of my own voice saying "I'm not okay." That's not exactly a lullaby, and in the moment I was upset, but I also felt like I was being soothed. I was being honest with myself. That admission helped me stop, catch my breath, implement more self-care into my routine, and start wondering what changes I desired in my life. Then I started working to make good change happen. 

Someone else recently told me I seem to be thriving during the era of COVID. It made me pause. Losing a parent doesn't feel like thriving. I haven't seen my mom since February and my sisters since Christmas. I thought I was only trying to survive 2020? 

But he's right. I finished my second book in August. I recently left my job of 8.5 years with a wonderful non-profit medical specialty society to pursue exciting opportunities that align my passions with my talents. I'm the director of an alternative gift-giving program called Gifts of Hope, a digital organizer for the Faith Alliance for Climate Solutions, and a project manager for executive coaches who work in leadership development and succession planning. My sister and I spoke something into existence and things happened much sooner than we ever anticipated them coming to fruition. It feels like a dream come true.

People have said I'm following my heart, and it feels that way. But I also think it's important to note that I am not defined by my work. Sometimes we don't have a dream job but we still create beautiful and wonderful things in the world. Aside from what I do to earn income, I'm a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, volunteer, church member, church council president, writer, reader, and dreamer. What defines you? What dreams are you willing to chase and what fuels your passions?

Vulnerability doesn't always translate to a weakness. There is power in admitting when we've been knocked down and then taking steps to care for ourselves. Find out where rest leads you and let your heart lead on from there. I'll close with something I wrote for a recent church newsletter article:

A friend and former therapist told me once (and I’m sure most of you have heard this before) that we have to put our own oxygen mask on first before we can adequately help others with theirs—it’s true on an airplane and it’s true in the crash of this year we all have encountered. Put on that mask. Breathe deeply. Rest. You deserve it.