Dirt

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.

My planner has an inspirational quote each day, and the one from May 21 is a quote by Abigail Van Buren:

"It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself." 

This week, I've seen mud-slinging all over social media. And I've participated in it myself. America is ugly and shameful right now. 

My family went on a walk today and it felt like summer. We smelled charcoal in the air, felt the warm sun and cool breeze on our skin, walked past rows of American flags hanging next to front porches, and felt happy. I remembered songs I used to sing in grade school about grand old flags, stars and stripes, home on the range, and other American tunes that evoked pride in our country. All that was missing was some fourth of July fireworks (while social distancing, of course).

And, in an instant, my happiness turned to guilt and sorrow. My happiness is juxtaposed with centuries of pain, injustice, inequity, exclusion, and frustration experienced by fellow Americans, all culminated into the anger we hear, the tears we see, and the hurt they collectively feel right now. So many can't be proud about their homeland. So many aren't made to feel welcome or equal by their fellow citizens. There is so much hate festering in these "United" States that we don't feel at all united. 

America was born out of protests. What's happening right now is heart-breaking, but it's also history. It is my fervent prayer that, just as colonies broke away from a monarchy, our old, ugly, broken, shameful, mud-slinging America will be reborn. Birth is painful. Change scares some people. But the Bible talks about refining fires, where out of the flames comes something even better than it was before it went in. I am hopeful. I am praying. 

I'm also trying to be curious. For people who are so afraid of promoting justice and equality, I want to try and understand why they are against change and where their fear comes from. For people who are not as privileged as I am, I want to better understand what I can do to help them have the same shot at success as I have. 

I'll end with a fun fact about the author of the quote I mentioned at the beginning of this post: Abigail van Buren (born Pauline Esther Friedman in Sioux City, Iowa) is the author of the famous American newspaper column "Dear Abby." Her parents were Russian Jewish immigrants. She supported gay rights and would personally call someone on the phone if his/her letter seemed to be suicidal. I will always, always throw dirt on white supremacy, but in doing so I have to confess to my own inherent racism and biases and figure out how to be better. Please join me, America.

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